back to work, and grandmas visit

Its been so long since I posted. I had a half written entry saved as a draft, but its so out of date I can't really post it. I was writing about how mature I thought Fay had gotten since she started walking. I think she gained a lot of confidence from walking on her own and being independent. I was going to write a post about this because I was seeing how different she was reacting when we would go to familiar places outside our home. At friends' houses, at classes we take, and at the community kid's center, she is a changed baby. She used to cling to me a little, for about 20 minutes while she got used to her new surroundings. Now, she takes very little time before she is trekking around on her own to explore, still keeping an eye on mommy, or coming to get me. But she no longer clings for security to me and my leg.

However, since that time, I have also now gone back to work.

I've been working 2 to 3 days a week now for about 3 weeks. And it is a tough transition on both Mommy and Fay. Fay either cries when I leave, or she runs (walks swiftly) towards the door in hopes of catching me before the door...slams right in her little face. It is so heartbreaking. The best scenario possible is putting on a video to distract her and then not saying goodbye to her at all. Essentially tricking her into not seeing that I'm leaving.

When Deb comes to the apartment in the morning Fay looks at her as if to say "oh my, not you again!" She knows instantly what is in store for her. Mommy is leaving. So she basically won't leave my side once Deb comes. Thinking perhaps I won't slip away if she stays close. I'm hoping she will eventually like Deb so much that she will smile when she arrives in the morning! I'm not sure how long that might take though.

So far 3 days of work is a pretty good deal. My days are staggered -- I'm working M,T,Th. So I get to see Fay for all of Wed and Friday. If feels like just enough time that I can be a legitimate presence at work and can sink myself into the project. But its not so much time that I feel overwhelmed by it. I was overwhelmed by my job after I returned from maternity leave last year. I think the amount of days makes a difference but I also think the flexibility of contracting makes a huge difference. When I have to be home by 6pm to relieve the nanny, I can feel so constrained by my work day. I feel like I have exactly 8.5 hours to get done what I need to get done. So its all business and no coffee breaks. But now that I'm contracting I feel like, if I really need to I can take a break and just not bill for it. I don't feel like I would be cheating anyone by taking extra time to have a sane day. Also, I know its not forever. The current job I have is for a set period of time -- 3 months. I'm hoping it will last longer because I do really like the place and the people. But it also gives me peace to know that I'm not saddled to one employer for an indefinite amount of time and I'd have to make a major life choice if I wanted to leave. Alright, perhaps I just take it all a little too seriously. But I am a little type A, and I admit it. I gotta deal with what my head gives me, and turns out a 3 day work week, 4 day mom week is a pretty good deal right now.

The grandmas visited last weekend. They came in just to visit us and Fay. We had a great weekend centered around Fay. We went to Toys R Us in Times Square and rode on the Ferris Wheel. I also took the grandmas to our Gym class that we attend on Friday mornings. I'll tell you more about that in another post. And we went to the Brooklyn Children's museum for a FREE Saturday visit. Fay has never had so much fun packed into 3 days. Even the long bus commute home from the museum was pretty fun for Fay.



My mom brought a toddler sized rocking chair for Fay. It was originally crafted by my great grandfather and has been used by all generations along the way. The last to use it were my sister's three girls. We all thought Fay would get a kick out of sitting in a chair her size, but she surprised us by wanting to put her favorite friend in the chair and rock it. The friend? Her blankey. So adorable.

leaving is hard to do

Its so hard to leave little crying, protesting Fay in the morning. Today was my second morning leaving her with Deb and it was harder than the first. I think she didn't know what was happening the first day, but today she knew. She clung to me and wouldn't let me put her down or hand her to Deb. Then Deb got the blanky and Fay eagerly walked over to her to get it, but then turned and started crying as I made my quick escape. As the door shut, I could hear her cry out in agony. My heart aches.

Babysitter found

I have found a daytime babysitter for Fay for 3 days a week. I used the care.com site and did some power interviewing at the end of last week. I saw about 9 woman in 3 days. I was getting pretty discouraged by Thursday afternoon when I hadn't met anyone I liked. It amazes me that most of the women I interviewed would hardly interact with Fay. They would mostly talk to me about themselves and their skills, but I don't think they knew that they were in the spotlight for me to evaluate how they play and talk to Fay. Fay's opinion is just as important as mine!

Finally on Friday, I met a woman from Australia who I instantly liked. She is warm, kind, smart and resourceful. She also seems like she is eager to do the job and do it well. She has spent some years caring for children in third world countries when they've been traumatized and/or when they've lost their parents. I told her I was going to feel somewhat silly calling her references to ask if she was qualified to take care of ONE child in Manhattan, after caring for so many distraught children in Africa and Pakistan.

Of course her references had nothing but amazing things to say about her, as well as her new roommate in NY. She is new to NY, having been here only 3 months. So she will get to learn the city partially through a kid's eyes.

We worked together on Monday of this week, so Fay could get used to her and I could show her the neighborhood as well as Fay's routine. Then on Tuesday I went to work and left Fay with Deb for a full 10 hours. Things seemed to have gone well. There was some crying as I left and as Ryan left in the morning. And she was holding her blanky quite close all day for comfort. But Deb said by the afternoon, they had become better friends.

I didn't even really get the welcome I wanted at the end of the day. No running for the door as I pushed it open! Perhaps mommy was not missed as much as I had imagined. But I know she was a bit tuckered out because through this she is also transitioning to one nap. She is not getting as much sleep as she needs.

All in all, this return to work is going well. I like Deb a lot. As soon as I see Fay smile with glee when she comes in the morning, I will be fully relieved. She used to do that for Mandy. I know Fay has a lot of love in her heart for people other than me. She is such a sweet sweet girl.

walking video!

We haven't posted a video in a long time. And this one is a good one! Mostly because it is the much awaited walking footage. Fay spent many months holding my hand to help her walk and just in the past week or two she has begun to walk on her own. This past week she stopped reaching for my hand much at all. And I was able to take her to the playground for the first time in a while last week. My heart almost skipped a beat when I saw her walking around on her own. We'd spent so much time last fall attached by the hands as she explored on foot. Now she can explore on her own. Of course she still stays pretty close to mom. I think its safe to say caution is part of Fay's personality. I'm happy for that!

Enjoy the video. )