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Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I think sleep deprivation is starting to take its toll on me. Its been about three months now of no more than 2-3 hours of continuous sleep. I suppose moms have done this for ages, so I guess it won't kill me in the end. But I think its making me a sad and crabby person.

I'm normally quite the morning person. Ryan jokes about how annoying it is to see me upbeat and smiling in the mornings when it takes him a couple hours to crack a smile.

Now, on about 5 hours of cumulative sleep, I wake up and get Fay breakfast, play with her, tend to Rex, and some days, get Fay off to school. I feel like a zombie in the morning. With a baby in one hand and a doll in the other, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I am not enjoying the playing and the cute moments with Fay. I'm just getting through the morning or the day.

On the days when Fay is not in school, I watch the clock, hoping for 1pm to come soon so I can hopefully get a nap when Fay sleeps. If Rex is not interested in sleeping, I'll convince him by putting him on the boob next to me while I sleep.

Of course all that is not as bad as when I get irritated by my little Fay asking the same question 10 times over. Or when I snap at her for not listening to me when I'm trying to get her clothes on. The minute it happens, I want to take it back. I want to be the patient and calm mom that I think I am.

And all this makes me terribly sad. I remember having an identity crisis when Fay was born and I was trying to understand my new role as a mom. Now I am trying to maintain my identity as a good mom. One that listens to her child and plays with her and enjoys her.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Rex's first shots

Rex is 10 weeks and we had his 2 month checkup today. That means he got his first shots. :(

But first the happy stuff. Rex weighed in at a whopping 14 lbs! He was born 7 lbs 11 ounces, so that is a heafty increase. A baby is supposed to triple his weight in the first year. If Rex continues to gain at this rate he will definitely surpass that goal.

He is now 23.5 inches long (compared to 21 inches at birth) and his head circumference is is 41.5 cm (35.1 at birth). So he is a growing boy.

The shots were heart wrenching. Rex did not like them at all. He took two shots to the thigh and immediately let out an angry and sad cry. His face was bright red and he wailed like I haven't heard since he was born. Rex was naked from all the weighing and measurements. And after a couple minutes of crying, he peed, all over me. (I'm not sure why the pediatrician didn't think to tell me to put on his diaper..I'm sure this happens a lot).

As soon as I got Rex's diaper on, I was able to nurse him and calm him down. Then he conked out and I took him home. He slept for a while, but then about 4 hours after the shot he became inconsolable. He didn't want to nurse, he couldn't fall asleep, he did not care if I held him or laid him down. He just cried and cried and cried. I couldn't soothe him at all. It made me think of colicky babies. I can't imagine how hard that is on the mother to not be able to soothe her baby. I remember Fay being a little irritable after her first shots, but not this bad.

Finally I took Rex outside for a walk and he calmed a little and fell asleep for about a 1/2 hour. Then he was up again and crying. Finally at about 6pm tonight he broke his first smile since this morning....and I knew it was over (at least I hoped I knew). The inconsolable period really only lasted for 2.5 hours, but it seemed to last forever.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Labor Day lake house

Goodbye pose

Our friends, Adam and Natasha invited us to their upstate house for Labor Day weekend. I took to calling it the lake house as an easy title for Fay to grab onto. There was a lake nearby, and the house had stunning views of it, but the house was not on the lake.

Let me just say right off, we had SUCH a fantastic weekend. Ever since Rex was born (10 weeks ago), its been difficult for Ryan and I to feel like we have any down time. Even when we've gone out on a weekend night, I'm thinking about breastfeeding and whether we can get back in time to only miss one feeding. And its hard for us to stay out very late since Rex wakes us up throughout the night and we do not get much sleep these days. That being said, this weekend away really felt like a vacation. Adam and Tash made us feel so comfortable in their home. They were laid back enough to let us feel like we could be at home, and yet planned tons of meals for us and fun kid outings. I hope the weekend wasn't too much work for them, because they made it seem pretty effortless (beyond the obvious work of caring for two kids).

Fast friends

Adam and Tash have two kids, Paul who is 3.5 and Juliette who is 1.5 . Fay and Paul were fast fast friends. We never know if Fay will be extremely shy (and a little ornery) in a new situation, but I think Paul's sweetness and welcoming attitude just won her over instantly. They were playing human train within minutes -- meaning Paul was all but dragging Fay along by her hand throughout the wrap around porch.

Some highlights:

Fay riding a bunny

We went to the Farmer's Museum on Sat where they have an entire little village set up and actors re-enacting jobs from the period (blacksmith, pharmacist, woman baking bread). They also had a carousel!

Feeding ducks

On Sunday we went to the Apple Cider Mill where the kids could feed the ducks, take a tour of the cider press, and low and behold they had a bouncy house! Along side the bouncy house they had a game where a person (me!) can wear a harness and try desperately to dunk a small ball into a basketball hoop. We have excellent photos of this feat, but they are on Adam's camera, so I'll have to add them later. Ryan and I both teared up when we saw the photos because I look so ridiculously determined to sink that ball.

Best toys: fly swatter and rocks

Both Sat and Sunday nights Adam lit a fire in their fire pit and we roasted marshmellows and sat around the fire with the kids. There is something truly wonderful about getting to stay up late and sit around a fire in a little chair that is just your size. And you could see it all over Fay's face. I think that is the part she will remember the best. I wish I had photos of it. When you picture it in your head, remember to give each kid (Paul and Fay) a bag of marshmallows of their own to hold in their hands as they stared into the flames.

Meanwhile, Rex sleeps

Rex continued to sleep, eat and poop a lot. Also enjoying his weekend.