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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Big changes

last days of mandy

Last days of Mandy....

I feel like I haven't written in a looooog time. I've been consumed, physically and emotionally with finding a new nanny. I was mostly using craigslist which I think was my number one mistake. I found Mandy there the first time around so I thought if I looked hard enough and interviewd enough people that I'd find Mandy #2. But I just keep finding mismatches.

I was getting really stressed out about it last weekend. I think it was the I-only-have-two-weeks-left-to-find-a-nanny stress point. And I started psychoanalysing myself....

"Maybe I can't find a nanny because I don't want a nanny!"

"Maybe I don't think anyone is capable of taking care of my little Fay!"

So I considered the possibility of staying with Fay myself. I have thought about it before. And I tend to come to the same conclusion. I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom full time. I like having a job outside the home. But I also really miss Fay and when I go to a job that I don't really love, I question my priorities. So I think the problem lies in finding a job that I love -- or at least that I love more than the current job.

So after having a long discussion with Ryan, I quit my job last week.

I plan to take a little time to be with Fay. (Maybe even *be there* when she walks for the first time!) And look for a job in the meantime. I worry that this is the right decision. But I guess I can't question it too much or I'll go crazy. Hopefully it will all work out ok.