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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Big changes

last days of mandy

Last days of Mandy....

I feel like I haven't written in a looooog time. I've been consumed, physically and emotionally with finding a new nanny. I was mostly using craigslist which I think was my number one mistake. I found Mandy there the first time around so I thought if I looked hard enough and interviewd enough people that I'd find Mandy #2. But I just keep finding mismatches.

I was getting really stressed out about it last weekend. I think it was the I-only-have-two-weeks-left-to-find-a-nanny stress point. And I started psychoanalysing myself....

"Maybe I can't find a nanny because I don't want a nanny!"

"Maybe I don't think anyone is capable of taking care of my little Fay!"

So I considered the possibility of staying with Fay myself. I have thought about it before. And I tend to come to the same conclusion. I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom full time. I like having a job outside the home. But I also really miss Fay and when I go to a job that I don't really love, I question my priorities. So I think the problem lies in finding a job that I love -- or at least that I love more than the current job.

So after having a long discussion with Ryan, I quit my job last week.

I plan to take a little time to be with Fay. (Maybe even *be there* when she walks for the first time!) And look for a job in the meantime. I worry that this is the right decision. But I guess I can't question it too much or I'll go crazy. Hopefully it will all work out ok.


mandy said...

it was totally the right decision, i'm sure when you look back you will be happy you got to spend this time with her when she was growing so fast. Before you know it she will be all grown up and you'll wish she was little again.

J LO said...

Oh Jess....... you did the right thing because you have the option to make this choice. I really respect Ryan for taking the risk to have you take the risk. We all know you are extremely skilled and can hop back into the market, if necessary. But, why not, after all of these years of work and a successful career nice on yourself and take this time with Fay. As many say, there is always tomorrow. You may walk down a different path now that your husband is providing you and Fay with this option. Luv you all..........Nana