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Sunday, March 30, 2008

Fay is ticklish!

I'm going to keep this posting short and sweet. Its 10pm on Sunday night which means its my bedtime. I'm truly surprised at how exhausted I am now that I'm back at work. I was tired before with the whole wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night thing. But somehow, its more tiring having more responsibilities even with consistent sleep. Though, I'm still not sleeping through the night myself. I am a much lighter sleeper than I used to be, waking up a couple times a night...listening for Fay, who is fast asleep.

This weekend I took a video of her laughing. She's a tough one -- hard to get to laugh and especially hard to catch on camera.

This weekend I felt a sense of family that I haven't really felt before. I'm not sure why it came over me this weekend. But its a sense that its not just Ryan and me plus our new baby; rather, it feels like the three of us now. And that feels good, more complete.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

duh, she's teething

five months today
Rosy "teething" cheeks

Almost minutes after my last post I realized that Fay is waking in the middle of the night because of teething. I already suspected she was teething because she was rubbing her fist back and forth on her gums ferociously for several days. And she has been extra fussy for Mandy this past week. But yesterday was the first day it was obvious she was in pain.

She was gnawing on a toy and must have hit a sensitive spot because she started to cry and was hard to comfort. I think the baby oragel helps. It takes a while, but after applying it she calms down.

Last night was really rough. Fay woke up at 1:30 and kept putting herself back to sleep and then waking again and again and again. Mommy didn't get much sleep.

Also, she woke up with extremely rosy cheeks. I was afraid she was sick on top of the teething. I looked it up online and apparently rosy cheeks are a symptom of teething as well. I tried to capture the cheeks in a photo, but I don't know if you can really get *how* rosy they are.

Also, today, Fay turns 5 months. As far as milestones go....
1) She can roll over but does not do it very often.
2) I think she is on the verge of sitting by herself. Now, if you put her in the sitting position she can lean on her arms for support. But not for very long, and she is still kinda slumped over.
3) Her grabbing dexterity still has a long way to go. Sometimes she grabs for things and just can get the right angle. Also the objects have to be small or thin enough to wrap her little fingers around.
4) She had become a happier baby. Its seemed before that she was quite a serious baby..only giving out smiles occasionally and after much entertainment. Now she smiles all the time, especially for mommy and daddy when they enter the room or surprise her with their presence. And I would say we get laughs 2-3 times a week. I LOVE the laughs.

Friday, March 21, 2008

back to sleep

So after a month or so of sleeping through the night, Fay is waking up in the middle of the night again. She was consistently sleeping from 7pm to 6 or 6:30. But now she has woken up at 4:20 (like clockwork) for the past three nights. The second night she was all sweaty, so I thought it might be linked to the temp in her room. Its hard to regulate the heat in our apt because of course its radiator heat. So we can have it OFF, ON, or ON with various degrees of window breeze.

Last night the temp was perfect (OFF and 2 inch window opening). But she woke up again. Funny thing is, she doesn't seem that hungry. I mean, she'll eat. As she will whenever a boob is place in front of her. But she was not "going to town" on the boob, nor was she awake for very long.

I'm beginning to think it might have to do with me returning to work. She's been very skittish about the whole ordeal. She's been fussier than usual when Mandy plays with her. And the few days that I've worked from home, she'll hang with Mandy and just stare at me. Or she'll play for a second and then look over her shoulder to make sure I'm still there.

Now this touches my heart. I love to get those little loving glances from Fay. But I feel like she's just so confused. She just came to realize who I am it seems and now there is this other Mommy around with the artificial boob (bottle). I wonder if she is waking in the night and not putting herself back to sleep because she wants to see if I'm there. I don't know. Maybe its too early for that kind of logic on her part. But thats what the mommy back to work guilt gives me.

On the up side, work does seem easier as time goes by. I've made some peace with the pump. And I am excited about the project I will start on Monday. It should be interesting and stimulating, so I will be adequately distracted so as not to think about missing Fay too much. And I don't think I will be able to work from home, at least not initially. Which is probably a good thing, so Fay is not confused as to why I'm home, but ignoring her. And it will give Mandy a chance to set her own week rhythm.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

wonderful weekend

one of many shoulder rides

We had a wonderful weekend at Fay's house. The fact that weekends start on Fridays is a pretty good thing in itself. But is was also nice to have Daddy home. Ryan was traveling over the last weekend (Sat - Tues) for work. He hadn't been away since Fay's birth, and I found myself missing him more than usual.

Having a second parent around not only is fun for enjoying Fay together, but I also got out and got some things done that I couldn't without Ryan's help. I got a haircut on Saturday, which feels like the ultimate pampering right now.

While I was pampering, Ryan got some alone time with Fay which was much needed. He's been working so hard lately that he sometimes doesn't get enough time with her on the weekends. And with her bedtime at 7pm, its a race to get home just to spend a few minutes with her while she is exhausted at the end of the day.

I also got to go for a run.

I haven't quite figured out how I am going to fit running into my life now that Fay is here. I used to go running in the morning before work. I like to start the day with a run and a shower, rather than running after work when I'm tired and have a short evening. But, with the nursing, and Fay's inconsistent wakeup times, I really don't see it working into the morning routine. So I may have to move it to after work.

naked and beautiful
Last week my Nanny told me that she likes to have naked time with Fay at the end of the day. Fay really enjoys it, and it helps if she is getting cranky to do things she really enjoys. :) So I tried it out a little this weekend. And boy was it fun. We got a lot of photos and I think they are some of the most beautiful ones we have.

Friday, March 14, 2008

roll over fay!

Today, just minutes ago, we had a major milestone. Fay rolled from her back to her front....twice!

Fay has rolled from her front to her back in the past. It seems as if she just teeters on her big tummy and rolls over. But to roll from her back to her front is a more complicated endeavor. First she kicks her legs up and rolls to her side (which she has been doing for a month at least). Then she rolls a little more and her left arm seems to be caught underneath her. Then she rolls right over her left arm and onto her tummy! TaDah! The first time she did it she seemed a little startled, and got a little cry face on. But no crying ensued and then she was just happy to be on her tummy. Yay Fay!

We were at another mom's house when this happened surrounded by 5 other mothers and their babies. I got so excited and started clapping and then everyone around started clapping, so Fay had a pretty good audience for her big milestone. I'm hoping I can catch her on video this weekend. Its just so exciting to see her do something that gives her mobility and a first taste of independence.


On other matters. This was my first week back to work. I took it easy, working from home two days and at the office two days. I think that made the week much more tolerable. Though the days that I was home it was difficult not to play with Fay. I ended up working a little more into the evening because I was distracted by my cute little girl. So I will have to learn to be much more disciplined as I move forward if I want to work from home.

Mandy and I have been going through a tough week with Fay's naps. It seems as if she is starting the "protest crying" that I've read about. Meaning, now that she knows who mommy and daddy and Mandy are she is having a really good time playing with us and does not want to take a nap.

This week when we put her down for a nap in her crib, no matter how much soothing or holding or rocking we did, she would just get MAD. Her face got all red and smooshed up and she let out a really good wail. Its almost cute when I put little words into her wailing. I think she is saying "nooooo, mommy please!!! I want to play! Don't make me take a nap! I promise not to yawn or fuss!"

It was hard at first to let her cry because both Mandy and I wanted to pick her up and soothe her...and we did. But it became easier when Fay would not be soothed. Once she became mad (and tired!), there was no more playing to be had anyway. So her crying spells progressively got shorter. And I have to say, an amazing thing happened today. She went down for a nap without more than a slight "waa?".

This morning for her first nap, she cried for 5 min and then sorta talked for 15 min. Then for the 2nd nap, she just talked a little for about 10 min. Then, just now, after a very exciting afternoon of being outside and socializing with babies AND rolling over! I put her in her crib after about 5 min of holding/dancing with some nice music, and she made a slight noise (couldn't even be considered a fuss), and promptly closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Hopefully I'm not jinxing us by boasting on the blog. I don't expect her to welcome naps. But it seems like another milestone for me. Perhaps a mommy milestone.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

*really* back to work

Tomorrow I go back to work for real. I don't believe I will have any more maternity leave weeks in my future. Though I do hope to get Fridays off. I'm currently so conflicted about returning to work. I want to live in the adult world I remember from before Fay, but I know from my brief training stint that I will miss Fay desperately. Lets take some bets on how long it will take me to acclimate to this new change. As Ryan pointed out when I was sad at the end of my training week, I've been through a lot of change in the past couple years. Granted, it all has to do with Fay. But there were very different stages of change. Pregnancy was a big adjustment. Each trimester in fact, was very different from the previous one. Becoming a mother to Fay was huge, obviously. Not working for 4 months was a big change. I remember my first weeks with Fay I had a feeling of idleness. I felt a lack of accomplishment at the end of some days. Even though I was busy and exhausted with Fay, I felt something, my prior self, was missing.

So now I've become someone new. But my evolution is clearly not complete. Not even for this stage of my life. I have moved on from my earlier feelings of idleness, to becoming very comfortable and enjoying being Fay's mom. Saying "my daughter" does not sound new or odd anymore. But now I have to become a working mom. And I'm fairly overwhelmed at the thought. I don't suppose I will have a minute to spare at the end of each week.

And I think Ryan and my relationship may change some now. Obviously it changed when Fay arrived. We are part of a family now and we are sharing this wonderful new responsibility. We have less time for ourselves and for each other. Though we've been really good about taking time for each other. We go out every Friday night together. Now, with me returning to work, we'll have to change again. I feel like I've been Fay's primary caregiver over the past 4 months. Much of that has to do with breast feeding, and middle of the night feedings. The feeding won't change just yet, since I will be continuing with that as long as I can. But I may need a more help in the morning than I've previously needed. Its hard to juggle getting ready for work, feeding Fay, and playing with her during the small window of time I'll have with her each morning.

Anyway, I feel as if I am embarking on the first day of the rest of my life. Its a little scary. I hope I like it.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

4 months have passed

A little over 4 months have passed since Fay was born. I took some video on her 4 month birthday (Feb 22) so I can look back and see exactly how she was. It sometimes seems like she learns something new each day, so it will be hard to remember each stage exactly.

Even since this video was taken Fay is now grabbing more things. I hadn't put her in her floor gym for a while. Today I put her in it and she grabbed the parrot and the giraffe dangling above her and tried to put each of them in her mouth. Thats a first! Before she just randomly kicked at the animals. :)

Also of note. We had Fay's 4 month check up at the doctor on Monday. She now weighs 14 lbs and is 25 inches long! Big girl. She is also wearing size 2 diapers now if you are interested (I can't image you are).

And next week I officially return to work. 4 months maternity leave is definitely not enough. I'll be on a bench project next week and I will be working 2 days from home and 2 days in the office. So that will make it easier to return. I hope to keep up a schedule similar to that once my actual project starts. We will have to see.