Hate the pump, love the milk

So here I sit on Thursday morning getting to spend the day with Fay finally. This week was pretty difficult. It was really hard to come home at the end of the day and know that I'd just missed a whole day with Fay and that I would miss another the next day. Hopefully this will get better over time. I know that in the grand scheme of things I will not be spending every day with my daughter! Its just that we've been so attached to each other over the past 4 months, it is really painful to leave her. My heart aches when I see her at the end of the day and she is so tired for that last hour of her day.

The other thing that made the week difficult was pumping. The logistics were fine. The training place gave me a private room to pump and I could go there whenever I needed. But the pumping was just stressful. I was so anxious about how much milk I could actually get at each session and whether it would be enough to get Fay through a full day at home without me. And that anxiety made less milk come out I'm sure. I think it will help once I get a double pumper. Right now I only have a single but I will be getting a hand-me-down double in about a week or two. That will make pumping take less time and I think if leftie and rightie work as a team, I'll get more milk. (Sorry if that is too much information! :)

I did manage to pump *almost* enough milk. Fay seems to eat A LOT. On Tuesday, the day after the first full day of pumping, Fay had 18 oz of fresh milk, 4 oz of frozen, and supplemented with 6 oz of formula. 28 oz! Wow. Plus I'm breast feeding her in the morning and evenings. I will be curious to see if this is how much she eats. From what I read I was expecting her not to go over 32 oz. But it seems as if she is just over that.

The best thing to come out of the week is I know that I've found a really great Nanny. Mandy is terrific. She is caring and loving and I know she will love my daughter. I wondered whether she had enough experience. She has cared for some children over 1 yr. And she has cared for a newborn. But she has a big gap in experience for exactly Fay's age. But you know what? I think this is a good thing now.

I know that Mandy is super competent and smart which is why I was comfortable hiring her without specific 4-12 month experience. The added bonus is that Fay is her first baby really. She is not a baby in a long string of nanny jobs. So she will be really special to Mandy. I can tell already. Everything is just as fun and new and exciting for Mandy as it is for me.

At the end of the day we chat about Fay and her eating and feeding and play accomplishments. And we are both excited to see what the next day brings.